I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
