the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
