hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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