Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
