someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
