So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
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