I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
please come you make the beer taste better
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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