I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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