just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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