yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
