fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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