you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
