you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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