considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
