She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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