Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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