I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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