he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
