you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
