dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
