M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Someone signed my nipple.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
