guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
