Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
