pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
