Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
