y did u give ur computer a hand job?
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
