oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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