Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
