If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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