He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
