Swine flu. Run for my life!
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
YAS. BRING CRAB.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
