I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
