I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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