he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
