You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
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