You were right. It hurts to walk today.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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