he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Randomize
