yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
