You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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