my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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