did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
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