if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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