How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
