i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
