Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
