There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I came so hard my ears popped.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
