id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
