Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
