i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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