i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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